7 Ways to Foster Resilience in Children and Teens

If you had asked me to predict some of the challenges my own children would have experienced within 2020, a pandemic and quarantine wouldn’t have even come to mind. I would have thought of the typical challenges presented to teens; a sports injury, conflict with a friend, overcoming trouble with something pertaining to academics–– you know, typical teen type issues that come with the territory.

Life has come to a bit of a standstill for many children. I’m very aware of it as I watch the tumultuous experience play out before my own eyes. At the beginning of all of this in mid-March, my boys were initially thrilled to be home. They started out thinking that this would be like summer vacation. I don’t think they could wrap their minds around the concept of online learning, the fact that it was still March and we live in NY (meaning it is still cold), and that they wouldn’t be able to get together with friends or engage in sports.

A New Normal May Lead to New Wonderings

Over the weeks, it’s been quite the experience, particularly as my husband and I both work from home. Although we’ve gotten into a flexible routine of sorts, life just doesn’t feel the same. The other day my 15 year old actually asked me if I thought it would be awkward when kids returned to school. He wondered aloud if people would be able to just pick up where they left off. He feels that so much time is passing that it will feel weird to return to the daily interactions and conversations he was accustomed to. Although many of our kids, mine included, are connecting via Facetime, Zoom, texting or other social media on occasion, it’s just not the same as face-to-face interactions.

As an educator, I see the toll that this experience takes on my own children, so I can’t help but think of how other children are coping. Particularly those who experience greater household stress, beyond what is typical. Upon return to school at some point, I’m confident that there will need to be a greater emphasis on social emotional learning to foster the process of reconnection and working through diverse challenges that children faced as a result of this experience.

Walking Alongside Kids Through the Shifts

As a family, we have tried to focus on creating meaningful memories during this time and go with the flow a bit more. We’ve had some great successes and are engaging in activities (nightly board games and 2-4 mile walks) as a family that we typically wouldn’t be due to busy work and sports schedules. It’s important to find the silver linings. However, the emotions our kids have in connection with quarantine can’t be ignored. We’ve definitely experience our own share of pitfalls. Plus, our boys have experienced loss of connections, sports, dances, activities and more. I know it’s not the absolute worse thing, but perception is reality. We cannot simply tell our kids to ‘get over it’ or ‘that it is what it is.’

It’s been helpful for my husband and I to step back and think of what kids need to develop resilience through this time period; not just our own boys, but all kids. As educators, although we may not be able to be with our learners physically, we still need to connect and foster relationships–– I cannot stress this enough. We can’t turn our backs on what matters most or simply focus on assigning school work and checking for completion. Our kids need us to focus on fostering resilience and SEL, below are some ways in which you can get started or incorporate into what you currently do.

7 Ways to Foster Resilience & SEL

Provide Opportunities to Connect

Many teachers are facilitating learning online or providing office hours. I encourage you to seek opportunities to connect as a class and host a meeting just to engage in discussions and foster relationships. A 15-20 minute ‘morning meeting’ or ‘circle time’ provides a sense of community that many may be lacking. Share a funny story, read a short book and make meaningful connections, or play a game all together. Yes, learning is important. But, if kids feel that all we care about is academics, we lose them. Remember, learning can look different–– it doesn’t always have to be content related.

Encourage a Sense of Purpose

Our kids, at all ages, need to feel that they have a sense of purpose. Each week, we can encourage learners to engage in activities that develop a sense of fulfillment. Perhaps students can engage in random acts of kindness at home, create cards thanking health care workers, or think of something they can help with at home. Our youngest likes to assist and then take over any odd jobs at home and mows the lawn. He’s also helping care for neighbor’s yards. He’s motivated by this and it provides a sense of accomplishment.

Share Strategies that Help Promote Exercise and Mindfulness

Children are more likely to react in situations that are stressful with a flight, fight, or freeze response. Providing resources that they can utilize to calm their bodies when stressed, will help them learn to regulate. We can also ensure that we are encouraging movement through exercise such as running, yoga, walking, etc. Physical activity stimulates the release of serotonin and dopamine; which improves mood and how we feel. It helps us to relieve stress and even improves memory. We can also share activities that encourage mindfulness– the act of being aware of our own feelings and making appropriate adjustments. Check out these activities that promote mindfulness activities in children and teens.

Express Gratitude with Your Learners

While there is always value in talking through tough topics to work towards solutions or to get something off of our chest, there is so many benefits to gratitude journaling. Invite your students to share one thing they’re grateful for each day. Remind them that it can be little things such as a sunny day, playing a game, or talking with a friend while playing video games together virtually. Kick it off by expressing how grateful you are to be their teacher or something else that might just make them feel extra special.

Encourage Goal Setting

Many teachers, myself included, engage learners in goal setting. Even though learning doesn’t necessarily look the same while we are doing it remotely, we can encourage our students to set goals. The act of setting goals helps foster a sense of purpose and keep them focused on where they need/want to go. Depending on the ages of learners, they could set daily, weekly, or monthly goals. Additionally, goal setting doesn’t have to be connected with academics. Encourage learners to set goals in connection to things they are doing at home. Doing so helps to foster improved mental health as students begin to focus on making progress on things that may be right in front of them. For example, this might include cleaning/organizing a bedroom space, caring for pets, helping around the house, creating artwork, etc.

Inspire Reflection

During this time, many feel alone or disconnected. We can create electronic forms via Google or Microsoft where learners can reflect on their feelings, share how they work through challenges, and even reflect on how they can engage in self-care during this time. Activities like this will look different depending on the age, the purpose would be to get kids in a metacognitive state to consider and reflect on their own emotions, what causes them, and how they can work through them. Encouraging learners to consider what they’ve learned during this time might help, too. For example, our youngest commented the other night that we didn’t spend as much time together before due to our lifestyle and sports, but now that we’re playing nightly board games, we talk and laugh together more often. Our eldest mentioned that he’s learned so much regarding how to use tech in a functional manner since it wasn’t typically integrated in his classes before.

Create Journaling Prompts

Writing can be very therapeutic. Provide a wide variety of journal prompts and encourage learners to respond to them. As an educator, I would make it optional to share. Some kids might want to share their thoughts or experiences with someone and others may just benefit from the act of journaling, but choose to keep their thoughts private. Journaling should not be graded or scrutinized as the purpose is to reflect on a variety of prompts and process emotions. Here are some to help get you started, but I encourage you to rewrite your own so that they are tailored to your learners and what we are currently experiencing.

When It Comes Down to It, Relationships and SEL Need to Come First

During this time, it’s important that both parents and educators reassure children that they are not alone. Even though this time period feels so unnatural and stirs up many emotions, we can work through it together. It’s also helpful to support children by helping them put a word with the emotion they are feeling to identify it and strategies to work through the emotion. Placing an emphasis on social emotional learning fosters resilience in children, so it’s critical that we keep it the main priority.

I totally understand that many educators can’t help but think about the continuation of learning or how to close gaps that may develop, but remember, if the brain is not in a state of learning, it cannot learn best. Research demonstrates that students retain what they learn when the learning is associated with strong positive emotion. And, cognitive psychology studies have shown that stress, boredom, confusion, low motivation,and anxiety can individually, and more profoundly in combination, interfere with learning. (Christianson, 1992).

You see, a typical classroom provides so much more learning, beyond content. When shifting to remote teaching and learning, it’s important to look at how we can meet the needs of learners in all ways, not only with teaching and learning the content within the curriculum. During a regular day, we greet our learners with a smile, engage in genuine conversation, and know our kids well enough to know when something is wrong. We cannot make the gains we desire by choosing to zero in solely on academics. Let’s place an emphasis on social emotional learning and fostering resiliency in our learners. Together, we are stronger. If you’re doing something to foster resiliency or SEL, share with me and I’ll link it to this post to spread the wealth of ideas.