5 Ways We Can Help Ourselves Thrive

Have you ever been in a situation where you just want to hit the pause button so that you can reset or regroup? We’ve likely all experienced feeling as though we’d like a redo. Perhaps it’s a redo in a relationship, lifestyle, an event, or even an interaction that took place. Maybe you even wish you even had a rewind button in life where you could completely restart something, now that you know better. We can prepare, go over our work, strive for the best, and feel ready, but even then… things can go astray. I found myself in a situation recently where I was presenting virtually. Although I’ve worked as a technology integration specialist, I experienced technical difficulties. Ironic, right?

I’m a preparer. I practice, test, visualize, go over… all to ensure my work is as flawless as possible. I take great pride in the work I do. I went into my presentation ready to roll, completely confident! But then… videos weren’t playing accurately, a slide was missing, and with each small mishap that felt out of my control, I felt my confidence drain. Of course, I continued to roll with it, but inside my mind, I was trying to troubleshoot at the same time. When our confidence begins to drain, it can leave us feeling uncertain.

Many of us have been in similar situations, whether it’s with our learners, staff, or our colleagues. Do we give ourselves the same grace as we would others? Spoiler alert… I often don’t.

A little bit about me… I’ve always placed a great deal of pressure on myself when it comes to performance. During my youth, I was competitive in dance (both solo and in groups). In high school, I advanced to state level competitions in cross-country, indoor and outdoor track. Even as a child, I would prep and go beyond what my programs (dance or running) were providing. In fact, I remember being in 7th grade when I saw fluorescent orange 8 lb. dumbbells that I just needed to have. My mom didn’t think I needed them, but she appeased me.

I began implementing my own workouts from a relatively young age to be my best in the sports I was committed to. I would peruse magazines such as Self and Runners World to inform myself and then got to work. Then, I’d organize neighborhood races (particularly against boys) to test/push myself. Before competitions for dance or running, I’d go over my routine/form and envision everything– start to finish. Some may say I have a touch of being a perfectionist and others might say I’m a tad competitive. It just depends on what it is that I’m doing though, I’m not competitive in all areas of life. It’s in my nature to go after what I want to do, which has its pros and cons. On one hand, it can lead a person towards success, but if not tempered, it can potentially lead a person to break themselves down or peter out. I can’t help but wonder how many of us are harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else?

Isn’t it true that we tend to be our own worst critics?

While I think there’s a benefit to having high expectations and pushing ourselves to be our best, it can also come with a cost. If we are finding that we are so hard on ourselves that it results in us having a negative dialogue in our head, we are only self-sabotaging. Self-sabotaging behaviors might cause us to step back or avoid working toward any progress. No one wants (at least I don’t) the negativity or the feelings that come from negative self-dialogue. So, avoiding situations that may trigger it may become a tactic to ‘protect’ oneself. However, avoidance isn’t a solution.

A desire to redo (whatever the situation may be) shows that we care and are reflective. Reflection shows that we are capable of learning and growing from the experience. As humans though, we make errors. Even the most prepared or seasoned person can experience hiccups. Additionally, there are times in life when things happen that are simply out of our control. Reflecting is incredibly healthy and necessary to grow. We also benefit from learning how to maintain a healthy mindset. One that helps us to avoid engaging in negative self-talk, and instead, enter a reflective mode due to healthy, daily practices.

Now, I’ll admit that I’m excellent at giving advice to others, but I am working on listening to my own advice. I am a work in progress.

Our mindset, matters. From how we speak to ourselves to how we get up and try again– it’s all part of the growth process. Since I know how valuable mindset is to help set us up for success, here are a few tips I’ve learned over time and am working hard to practice with intentionality.

1. Engage in Reflection: What went well? What could have been better? Is there something that occurred that we can learn from to improve? What solutions might exist? It’s beneficial to create a written list so that you can see all the things that went well. When we recognize that we also had successes, we can focus more on growth rather than fixating on what went wrong.
2. Express Gratitude: I started intentionally expressing gratitude in early 2019. At first it seemed silly. I was jotting down that I was grateful for such as my coffee, my family, and other things that seemed obvious. But then, there was a shift. I’d be out walking our dogs and begin thinking about how beautiful the sky was in the moment. That made me think about how amazing our entire universe is and how amazing every single one of us is! I began feeling more whole and a sense of purpose.
3. Be Aware of Your Internal Dialogue: Think about how you currently speak to yourself. Do you shame yourself or speak to yourself with love and compassion? We need to be our own biggest cheerleader. Each day, look in the mirror and speak to yourself the words you know you need to hear. Or, write yourself a letter detailing all that you appreciate about yourself. Close your eyes and imagine yourself carrying those things out in life. Then, when negative self-talk creeps in, block it. YOU are the protector of yourself. YOU are important and are worthy of grace, love, and compliments.
4. Consider what you desire most: This one has been instrumental to me. Life can make us feel like we are going a mile a minute. 2020 and the pandemic forced me to slow down and step back a bit. I began to reflect on what brought me the most joy and what was bringing me stress or negativity. As a result, I re-prioritized and reset what I was doing and am striving to lead with what brings me joy. That’s not to say everything will always be rosie; stress can come with different aspects of life or work. However, when we prioritize joy, we are better equipped to navigate through stressful situations.
5. Nurture Yourself: There are so many different ways we can nurture ourselves. From eating nutritiously to engaging in our favorite form of exercise or other forms of self-care, we have the potential to help ourselves feel better. Remember, when we eat well and exercise, our minds and bodies feel healthier. Research has shown that exercise boosts our mood, improves sleep, and thanks to endorphins– the likelihood of anxiety and depression can be reduced. We benefit from engaging in whatever self care we feel we need most. It might even be engaging in mindfulness, meditation, or even learning a new skill or engaging in some sort of passion project. When we take care of our mind, body and soul, we are setting ourselves up for success.

You’re imperfect and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.

– Brené Brown

I’ve engaged in a lot of reflection about how I function and what best supports me through different situations. I’m also fully aware of behaviors that are self-sabotaging. We sure are complex beings, aren’t we? Blogging is something that helps me not only process, but encourages me to listen more to my own advice. I believe that when we engage in healthy, day-to-day habits and routines, we are more apt to help ourselves move forward toward growth. Setbacks are a normal part of life and no matter how much we prepare or strive for excellence, we must practice compassion with ourselves as we are human.

Imagine a world where we all practiced these behaviors intentionally and also modeled and practiced them alongside our children. Let’s focus on becoming the healthiest versions of ourselves and remember that our biggest accomplishment in life might not be a race, or a promotion, or even winning some kind of an award. Perhaps our biggest accomplishment in life is breaking down self-imposed boundaries and learning to love ourselves fully; doing everything possible so that we can thrive– through compassion, gratitude, joy, and reflecting to grow.