Embracing Empathy as Teachers for Learners: How WE Can Shift the Outcome
A pre-teen, sounding discouraged, recounted how he received detention earlier in the day during study hall. Apparently a notification on a student’s phone went off and it was heard by the teacher overseeing study hall. The students were asked to look and see if they had a phone with them. Although several had their phones tucked away, the boy sharing this story explained that he held up his iPhone while simultaneously turning it on to demonstrate that his was actually turned off- therefore unable to make any sound. He shrugged and said, “I thought that would convince the teacher that I didn’t have my phone on.” The teacher, not an iPhone user, called the boy to the front of the class and asked, “how would I know if you were shutting it down as opposed to turning it on.” Although the teen tried to explain, it didn’t matter. It was too late for that. He confided in me that had he tried to explain, the teacher would have dinged him again for what would be considered arguing.
As peers sat and stared vigilantly, they listened with anticipation to see what would happen next. The teacher announced that he was giving the boy detention for being dishonest and having a phone on him. Meanwhile, the teen who reportedly had a phone on in study hall, gave a sly smile at his friend who was still standing beside the teacher, accepting the consequence with no other options. This was the second full week of school and already, injustice was felt. A new school, new faces, and a new set of expectations.
Now, I share this with you as the story that was shared with me. We all know there may be slight variations in what actually happened. Both teachers and learners may have differing perspectives of what actually took place and I’m sure what occurred falls somewhere in the middle. Having not been there first hand, I’m not entirely certain. However, I think this makes a great topic for reflection and conversation so that we can always put our best forward.
I Believe We Can Do Better
Although personally, I don’t have an issue with phones being on students as long as they’re not distracting from learning, this blog post isn’t dedicated to the argument of if kids should have phones on them or not. I’ll save that for a future post. Within this post, I want to focus more on the traditional concept of giving consequences to learners and the idea of fostering a responsive classroom, one that connects social-emotional learning with academic success. I understand there may be a time and a place for certain consequences, but my hope is that we’ve first exhausted other options. I’ve been blogging on this topic quite a bit lately, in various posts including, Proactive Approaches to Support All Learners – Moving Beyond the Behavior Chart, Promoting Empathy in Learners: Develop Deep Connections, and Nurture Connections to Help Learners Thrive.
Even though I have focused on proactive approaches as opposed to using a behavior chart, I sit here wondering if some middle and high school teachers would look past that post as on the surface, it may look like it doesn’t apply to them. However, punitive or negative consequences rarely yield the desired results (longterm) regardless of what age the child is. In fact, researchers from Harvard University’s Kennedy School and the University of colorado shared that their recent study shows that children in stricter middle schools are less likely to go to college- and more likely to get arrested. Although much of the data is in correlation with suspension rates, I think we need to consider the purpose for certain consequences and the desired result. It’s also beneficial to consider if there is an alternative approach that will support reflection and learning- one that may have greater effectiveness in the long run. I have made it clear in past posts that I do believe in accountability and natural consequences, but I wholeheartedly believe that we can do a better job of supporting our youth to learn from mistakes by showing them some grace and maintaining their dignity as opposed to causing embarrassment in front of their peers and triggering the feeling of defeat.
Do We Walk The Talk?
Many schools pride themselves on fostering a growth mindset. It’s often shared on school websites, newsletters, and even on bulletin boards. It’s a wonderful concept! However, do we walk the talk ourselves? Are we only fostering a growth mindset when it comes to learning content or is it also incorporated with our daily experiences and interactions? For example, if a student makes a mistake (blurts out, forgets to bring something on occasion, or accidentally leaves their phone in their backpack as opposed to their locker), do we engage in conversations to help support the learner or do we give an automatic consequence? We cannot develop a true growth mindset in our learners if we are simultaneously dolling out old school, traditional consequences and/or speaking to our kids in a punitive manner that diminishes bonds and often fosters resentment. It’s contradictory. In addition to reflecting on how we foster a growth mindset, I’m curious if we focus simply on fostering empathy and relationships between classmates or are we also being intentional about how we are developing connections with our learners, too? We all need to model empathy and listening with understanding as we interact with learners and our colleagues. I believe that some educators are cognizant of this while others may look at growth mindset and empathy as a one sided approach.
If the Tables Were Turned
I understand that some educators would explain to me that they’re working with children and that children need to learn boundaries. I agree with this 100%. However, I also know we are all human. And, humans feel and process information differently. Our culture, environment, relationships, and how we work with individuals in the moment, sets us up for future success as opposed to future challenges. From experience, I know that we can help our youth learn boundaries while also demonstrating empathy and fostering a growth mindset.
To better understand, imagine you are at a staff meeting when a colleagues phone goes off. Now, as adults, there may not be a rule stating that your phone is prohibited from being in the room, but for the sake of this example, just imagine your building principal scanning the crowd trying to figure out which of you has your ringer on. Next, your building principal looks at the table to the left where a group of teachers sit. He begins to walk closer to them to determine which is the offender.
Let’s pause and reflect… How would you feel as you observed this happening? Would you feel comfortable or guarded and on high alert? My guess is that you’d be on high alert. Many of us would feel anxious in this kind of environment and I’m confident that behind closed doors, we would be plotting to get out of this school. Furthermore, some of us would begin to feel resistant and even uninspired, toward the work being done. Feeling this way can lead to a decrease in motivation.
Now, imagine the offender speaks up and admits that it was them who left their ringer on. Picture the principal walking back to the front of the staff meeting and then calling the teacher up. Once the teacher is in front of their peers, the principal proceeds to admonish the teacher giving her lunch detention for the next day. As a sidebar, I know some of you right now are romanticizing about having a lunch detention because as teachers, we don’t really take true lunch breaks due to the nature of our job. But, imagine how you would feel standing in front of your peers only to know that the next day, you’d feel it again as you sat in isolation from others.
I simply cannot imagine working in this kind of a school culture. If this was my work environment, I would dread going to work, my stomach would be knotted, and it would be very unlikely that I would ever take thoughtful risks to innovate or attempt unique approaches to teaching and learning aside from what was traditionally expected.
Why is it okay for students to be provided this type of environment and then expected to be successful, if we as adults know it isn’t conducive to learning? We should want our learners to feel genuinely supported, just as we expect to feel, too.
“When students and staff don’t live in fear of repercussions, they tend to want to be challenged more and take more risks, which promotes more meaningful learning. If we are going to try and catch people let’s focus on catching them doing something positive.”
-Jimmy Casas
We Can Always Strive For Better
I work with so many amazing educators, so I know that there are numerous schools that are doing truly outstanding work for kids. However, some students are reluctantly attending school each day who feel anxious or resentful. It doesn’t have to be this way. WE as educators, have the potential to shift the outcome. WE can create environments where learners want to be while also supporting them to make better choices without leaving them feeling rejected. Peer acceptance and a strong sense of belonging is critical for all learners, but especially at the middle and high school levels. Because of this, some learners will challenge the teacher back as a result of being spoken too and given consequences in front of others because they want to save some pride. Others, will just quietly take it, but we need to remember how it emotions can escalate internally. This isn’t about being completely warm and fuzzy, it’s about understanding brain development, needs, and demonstrating empathy and understanding within a responsive classroom environment.
Approaches We Can Take with Learners to Demonstrate Greater Empathy for Their Developmental Needs, While Also Getting Results:
- Create a shared vision as a class.
- Talk to learners privately when an issue arises.
- Have learners engage in reflective writing to process what they could improve upon and how it connects to the class’s shared vision.
- Utilize social stories to support individuals to understand how their actions may have a negative effect on others, but also to nurture the concept that we can develop understanding for why our peers act the way they do.
- Facilitate morning meetings (they can be brief or even happen once/week if necessary) to foster a healthy classroom culture.
- Work collaboratively with colleagues and families to develop a proactive plan and communicate any possible consequences with the child that would help them learn from their mistakes.
- Incorporate humor whenever you can- this can turn a situation around.
- Connect with learners 1-on-1 or in small groups regularly to nurture relationships.
- Provide opportunities that help learners develop greater self-regulation.
- Help students learn how their brain works- this is important for all ages.
- Engage in goal setting along with opportunities for self-monitoring.
- Pause in the moment and put yourself in the child’s shoes. Ask yourself: How would I want to be treated in this moment.
I hope that you’ll also check out this great resource from Judy Willis., M.Ed., available via ASCD Webinars titled, What Makes the Teen and Adolescent Brain So Different. As an extra resource, below is a great graphic that details the difference between punitive discipline and restorative discipline. It’s beneficial to both educators and students to understand how the brain functions, learns, and how we can better regulate behaviors.
As a teacher myself, I always kept in mind how I would want my own child to be treated at school. Having 15 years of classroom experience, now working as an instructional coach, and having the pleasure of visiting classrooms around the U.S., I understand that we all face challenges. We can feel frustrated and as humans, we aren’t perfect. The goal is not to be perfect, but rather, to be our absolute best. If what we’re doing is creating anxiety and/or resentment, we need to reconsider a better approach. It may be that some of us need a restart. It’s okay to be vulnerable with students and admit that a mistake was made in how a situation was handled. Doing so, encourages the child to connect with you. Every single child wants to feel valued. So do we as adults. It’s important to remember that many kids don’t mean to make poor decision. Some may goof off or act out to communicate a need. We need to understand each individual, what makes them tick, and how to work with them. Moving forward, let’s ensure that every day we reflect on how we are modeling empathy and understanding within a responsive classroom culture that supports all learners to reach their greatest potential. Together, we can shift the outcome.
