Teachers… Some Days, I’m THAT Parent
As a teacher, I have always prided myself on all I could multitask. From greeting learners and differentiating needs, to going above and beyond to communicate with parents, I felt like a well-oiled machine on most days. Currently, as an instructional coach, I serve 6 out of 11 large schools in a city district, four days per week. Within the district, I support meaningful technology integration with 1:1 technology in the upper elementary and intermediate grades and iPads in the k-2 classroom, in addition to helping to start a makerspace, work alongside new teachers, and on occasion, I support what is needed with STEM integration. With the organization I work for, I facilitate STEM professional learning for teachers, courses on cultivating the maker mindset to inspire innovation (process of launching a maker education), and serve on the project-based learning expert team. On the side, I also work as a consultant and speaker to inspire and support educators to empower a culture of innovation. I’m also a mom to two boys (15 and 13), two dogs, a cat that I’ve had since graduate school, and I’m a wife to an administrator. Of course, there are other little things too, such as being on podcasts, serving on advisory boards, and more.
Varying Perspectives
Phew! This is my normal. So, until something happens or until I jot it all down (like I am right now), I don’t often give it a second thought. However, tonight I got an email. Our 13 year old son’s test corrections weren’t signed, and therefore he didn’t receive full credit. It’s easy to blame the child, and I do want my child to accept any responsibility when it’s called for. However, in this occasion, he had spent quality time making corrections. He was proud of his work and was excited to show it off to his dad and I, and we even reviewed his work for accuracy. Despite the fact that his teacher sent an email letting us know that all corrected tests needed a signature in order to receive full credit, we forgot over the weekend. As for our son, he showed us and after we looked it over, we let him know that we put it back in his binder so it was set. Sure, Nolan could have double checked to see that we signed it, but I think he just trusted us as parents.
Nolan won’t receive the points. He was penalized because of our mistake as he really did most everything he should have done. To me, it’s not even about the points. Nor, am I upset at his teacher. She has a protocol and it’s been routine and I highly respect her. The bottom line is that some days, we are those parents. I can be honest that some days, I’m that parent. You know, the one who you might scowl at for not following procedures or keeping it all together (not saying our son’s teacher thinks that–– who knows? But, I know how teachers often feel when something isn’t done the way they expect).
The point is, I agree that sometimes (as educators) we desperately need parents to be more supportive and check in on their children. Or, we want greater communication to be a team. Parent support occurs on a spectrum for sure. While some parents are over involved; creating anxiety in their children, others are not involved enough. However, there’s something in the middle, right?
Have You Ever Felt Guilty As a Parent?
As a working mom, I am able to share that I feel a lot of guilt at times. I know I’m not alone as Annick Rauch wrote a beautiful post titled, Dear Mama (Who is Also a Teacher). Perhaps I work more than I should? Although, much of my work is so enjoyable that it’s comparable to a hobby. Take blogging for example. I really enjoy writing and couldn’t imagine not engaging in it. Do I give enough to my children? I feel I do as we travel, play games, and yes… work with them on school assignments. However, as much as I enjoy both parenting and my work, I also know I should engage in regular self-care.
I write about self-care, but I often struggle to find the time. I’ve become better at scheduling it in, attempting to prioritize it. The reason I struggle is that I feel needed by everyone, everywhere. And, I want to be there for everyone. My husband needs me as he leaves work at 7 am and returns most days around 5:30 pm, but on many days, it’s not until 8 pm due to board of education meetings, concerts, and after school events. Both boys play multiple sports, so on many nights, I’m flying solo trying to maintain life. If you’ve parented a teen, you know that itself, adds all sorts of interesting “things” into the situation. I’m certainly not complaining, as I typically keep moving with a smile on my face–– this is the life I know. I truly love the work I do, in addition to being a mom and wife. However, this email from my son’s teacher made me realize that no matter how much we do well, there are times things just don’t come together as expected.
Most everything I do brings me joy in one way or another. Of course, I could definitely prioritize differently on some days, but I’m not sure that would be the solution. As for organization, I use my calendar, sticky notes, and notifications on my phone. I’m grateful that my Apple Watch even reminds me when I should stand or breath! On a side note, is it just me or does it seem to go off at the most inopportune times?!
All We Can Do is Our Best; Keep Reflecting and Growing
Anyhow, there’s no real resolve to this post other than the fact that we really are all trying to do our best. As I write this post I think about how people might judge and/or have opinions on how you or I live life, but those opinions don’t always have easy solutions as some might assume. Yes, some days, I’m THAT parent. The one that forgets to sign corrections, or lets them stay in their PJs for the day. I may not have fed them all the right combinations of vegetables or even looked over every piece of homework. Somedays, we let things go–– and at times, it’s just an oversight. I can say that we strive to always do our best, but it’s my reflections that remind me of the concept of how many families are just trying to keep their heads above water. Although (personally speaking) our lives are full, I still think we do pretty well. As educators, we can lose sight of what family life is like. It’s no wonder because our jobs are incredibly busy! It becomes all too easy to focus on what’s occurring in our classroom as opposed to remembering that so much happens within life outside of school. Parents, I’m sure you can relate that there is so much more that occurs beyond the school day, and many families really are living life in survival mode.
In The End, What Matters Most?
I’m grateful to have my family together and although there are challenges, we stick beside one another. I’m grateful for our pets who bring us joy and teach us compassion and I relish in our ridiculous moments of realizing that parenting teens is much more eventful and often more challenging than parenting toddlers (the opposite of what we anticipated). On any given day, parenting a teen can make me want to laugh or cry, depending on the situation. However, this is us and this is our life. It’s not perfect, yet many may assume I have it all together. Or, maybe some think I place a greater emphasis on my work than family. Perception is always in the eye of the beholder. Either way, at the end of the day, I can say that I did my best. There’s always tomorrow.
One wise friend once said that balance in life doesn’t truly exist. In life, it’s more of an ebb and flow. I have to agree with that statement. There are some days where my work is definitely the priority when an event is upcoming. However, there are days I dedicate 100% to my family. We love to travel and enjoy the outdoors together. Most of my days though, are mixed. I cannot say that I’m perfectly balanced, but perhaps like standing on a tightrope; sometimes we develop stronger muscles and thinking ability to balance in an unbalanced life. I strive to not just be a quality parent, but a role model for our boys on how they can serve the community and make a difference in the world. I know it impacts them because of our conversations and how I see them journeying through their own lives.
If you’re an educator, please try to recognize the efforts families are making and assume the best intention. Parents, keep on doing your best. I know many of you are in very difficult situations in which you may not know how to pick yourselves up from. Just know, you are not alone. To some, what I share about within my own life is minimal (in comparison to theirs) and to others, it may seem like a lot. In life, we just need to have compassion for one another and perhaps look at how we can best support each other and celebrate along the way. If nothing else, as educators, let’s focus on the growth of the child and remember that every family faces unique circumstances.
At the end of the day, all we can do is our best. Remember what matters most in life. Keep at it and know you are needed in the world. As I tell my boys every night: you are not here by chance. You are here for a reason. You have gifts and talents within you and it’s in your control to unwrap them and leverage them in life. You have unlimited potential, go and make a difference. Don’t just live out life, leave a legacy.
